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The first time I filled out an Ideal Customer Avatar worksheet, I felt like a deranged Build-A-Bitch technician.

Give her a trauma.

Give her a Starbucks order.

Give her three personality flaws + a tight marketing funnel.

Ta-da! She’s real now.

Except… she’s not.

She’s a Franken-client stitched together with recycled pain points + copywriter tears.

And I just trust-fell right into building my business around this stitched-up hallucination like it wasn’t a full-blown logic collapse.

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We’ve been indoctrinated.

These Mfers have us drawing fake bitches like it’s The Sims: Capitalist Edition.

WHO IS THIS???

I’ve never met this “person” in the wild.

And yet, somehow, I’ve been taught to make every fucking business decision based on her fictional ass.

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Here’s what Ideal Client Avatar culture actually teaches us:

❌ Write content for imaginary people you made up in a spreadsheet.

❌ Assume everyone makes decisions based on shame, fear, or urgency.

❌ Treat your kindreds like problems to be solved instead of people to be known.

❌ Anticipate their pain so you can monetize each part of it.

❌ Predict their objections so you can relentlessly shut them down.

❌ Drip “value” until they finally “convert.”

❌ And whatever you do, DO NOT SHOW YOUR REAL PERSONALITY unless it’s been fully sanitized for strategic relatability.

Cool. So now we’re all just trauma-laced vending machines.

Press B6 for a pain point.

Add to cart.

Upgrade to premium shame for $97.

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Imagine if restaurants worked like this.

Like, you’re opening a place called “The Deep Fried Daydream,” and instead of cooking food you love, you sit down and write:

And THEN created a menu based on HER.

Not based on what you cook best.

Not based on your joy or your skills or your weirdness.

Nope. Based on Chloe’s fake-ass emotional baggage.

You know what that restaurant would be?

Bankrupt!

And not just financially… creatively, too.

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That’s what this whole avatar obsession does to us.

It bankrupts our creativity.

It strips out our instincts.

It teaches us to build for ghosts instead of letting the real humans FEEL us.

Because here’s the shit that actually works:

🔥Energy.

🔥Truth.

🔥Saying the shit you want to say and letting the weird live out loud.

🔥Making something so YOU that you can get DNA off of it.

We’re not supposed to be reverse-engineering strangers.

We’re supposed to be creating from the inside out.

Letting our weird call out into the world like a horny bat signal… and trusting the right weirdos will howl back.

Not because we manipulated them.

Not because we nailed their shame triggers.

But because our truth cracked something open inside them.

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I’ll say it louder for the funnel-humping sluts in the back:

I’m N-E-V-E-R building shit for people I created in a spreadsheet again.

Because at this point in my evolution, I’m not interested in creating content that converts.

I’m interested in content that cracks humans open.

The kind that yanks their soul by the hoodie and says, “You’re not broken; you’re just too wild for the funnel farms.”

That’s how I want to build.

That’s who I want to build it for.

And I’d rather my shit flop while being ferociously true to that than go viral because I nailed the marketing preferences of some bitch named Chloe.

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Chloe would never survive this quiz!

In the speakeasy, on April 28th, I’m dropping a new playlist called How to Build a Mirror, Not a Funnel.

It’s my full ANTI Quiz knowledge bank—how I use a quiz to attract the weirdest, most wildly real humans without baiting, shaming, or treating them like a capitalist chew toy.

And if you go annual?

You’ll get three ribcage-baring, full-body, soul-sniffing reviews of all your quiz pieces (one per month for 3 months) so you’re not left unsupervised in the capitalist content swamp for long enough you accidentally start writing a nurture sequence.

Put your body condom on. We’re going in!

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To never again pretending we know what imaginary people need,

Dre ‘Haunted By Fake Bitches’ Beltrami

SOMEONE finally caved and started talking to ChatGPT. When I heard, it could turn you into an action figure... I was fucking SOLD!! 😂

It's a whole new, unhinged era, people. You've been warned.